It eats me up.
Its the reason I've failed so many times at running.
I've been known to blow my knees trying to keep up.
There's always a real cute skinny chick with an inspiring runners outfit
And great hair style.
Her stride is usually twice mine.
I think I can keep up.
But then I can't.
I get an itch that kids aren't productive enough.
Not up to other standards.
The standards I don't even care much about.
Then one or more gets neglected while the third gets drilled double time.
And then one or more of them engages themselves in whatever activity interests them.
Sasquatch visited my pita dough while Mom was busy helping big kids with school.
How about this one:
Peaceful quiet is never a good thing.
It's never worth a clean house to leave a kid to his own discoveries.
slicking his hair with 'sensitive lotion'.
'sensitive' meaning 'expensive'
Why wasn't I there to show him a reasonable alternative and help him?
Because I was doing dishes with Lauren.
Because Mom can't think with a sink full of dishes.
My priorities are in a jumble.
I want a perfect scenario.
Plus I'd appreciate the unlimited time of
family/fun/learning/chill/exploring/basically watching my kids grow.
I don't want to miss them.
She thinks I am crazy.
Balanced uncomfortably on a rock that drops straight into a deep swimming hole.
And on top of it I ask her to
Smile and cheese.
I guess that I am crazy.
But I love that picture.
"Silas, can you please put some toilet paper in the bathroom?"
exactly how many roles of paper we need in the restroom at one tme.
Where did he find That used roll from anyway ?
Aprons are becoming a heritage in my home.
A tradition in cleaning.
What did I do to deserve this?
A boy who mistakenly rocks "I love you" sign.
All it takes is a single root beer to make a camping trip really cool.
I am constantly trying to remember a few things.
*Comparing myself to someone else is never productive.
In fact it can be quite depressing.
I will always know happier, wealthier, healthier people.
Instead I am trying to compare myself to myself
6 months ago, two weeks ago,
And on really hairy days, 5 minutes ago.
surprisingly, it makes me pretty happy.
Its a long shot and I keep forgeting.
But I keep trying to remind myself.
To not compare.
Just don't do it.
There are so many things I want to remember.
I am purposing to spend time at the end of the day,
Thinking of all the good that was had.
And really laughing at things like
hand prints in the rising dough,
a whole tub of lotion in my boy's hair.
Wishing I could have laughed at it in the first place.
Instead of letting it ruin the fleeting moment.
The days may run long.
But the years whiz by.
Making time for breathing room.
It will always be on my list of to-do's
but I am learning and trying, and slowly getting better.
The one thing that gets me though is the new grace that comes with each new day.
Knowing that given the chance,
we will not only survive, but thrive.
Even when things seem to be falling through the dusty cracks.