learning life

Lovin the life that brings me home.....

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Being an easy target.

That's me.
I don't know why.
At restaurants , in the store,
While I am running with the kids,
Stuff just happens.
Please don't take me wrong.
I don't embrace the victims mentality.
Maybe If I did though, this stuff wouldn't broadside me like a deer in headlights.
I am also very good at becoming tongue tied when faced with confrontation.
Check it:
I am at the grocery store,
Unbeknown to me, Lauren wanders to put her basket away.
Silas, being the big brother calls for her very loudly to re-join the party.
In doing so, He gets brutally shushed by a very old and cranky lady.
While the lady still has his attention, she shakes her head in disapproval.
This lady had the most disgusted look on her face.
She was horrified, and Silas knew it.
She paid no mind that he was tending to his sister who flutters like a butterfly and tends to get lost.
Silas was nearly brought to tears.
I never said anything.
Again, at the grocery store,
The kids and I are happily eating our lunch.
Meanwhile, there is a middle aged man sitting at the table next to us staring.
I figured he was wondering how his wife was able to do the same thing all those years ago,
Or something great like that.
When Claire decided she didn't want the beans from my burrito
and proceeded to spit them onto the floor,
He laughed and eye to eye, in a very sarcastic tone told me,
"Why don't you have a few more?"
He was referencing the number of children I have, as if I were crazy.
I am the first one to admit to the craziness that happens around here,
But don't take kindly to jesting at their expense.
Speechless, I just smiled and nodded.
Seriously? Did I just agree with the man?????
I have been approached multiple times by local people.
The kind that "choose to live outside" (as put by Uncle Cody)
Brookings has a high percentage of people who hold a sign for a living.
I think I have met them all.
twice was to gawk over my baby boy Silas buddy.
You see, he was ever-so-cute as a baby.
So edible.
Anyway, as I am making my hasty departure from these people (two separate occasions),
Yet there was no exit.
Once was at the dollar store and the man was openly vocal in complimenting me on my
"Mardigras beads"
Nearly touching them and following me for at least a whole isle.
The other one-extremely intoxicated man, leans one hand on the corner of my cart,
The one my baby boy is sitting in,
and happily walks with us telling Silas:
"I love you! Oh, I love you too!"
over and over and...........
It was ever so awkward.
I can tell you that my eight month old started that one.
He's a friendly little bugger and welcomes any smiling face.
I never said a word, or set any sort of spacial boundaries.
See, I am not a victim.
I don't plan these things.
Maybe if I did, I could better respond,
But I just don't see it coming,
And am never prepared.
My family teases me because I can be ever-so- sweet, and still make a waitress furious.
No exaggeration here. People who have witnesses this don't understand it either.
Because of this special quality,
I purpose to be extra sweet in my dining out requests, but am usually fruitless.
They still end up exasperated because of me.
Once I was leaving a coffee shop as someone was entering.
He politely said "excuse me".
I politely acknowledged by saying "You're fine",
Irritatedly, he replied "Thanks for that. I was wondering"
That one stumped me.
I was trying to be friendly.
He twisted my words to make it sound like I was affirming his sanity.
It is currently 2:41.
I am awake.
I wish I were not.
I understand this is very random.
this is what keeps me awake at such a time when sleep is so coveted.
I was greeted yesterday by a doctor who chose to treat me in the manner as spoken above.
Not only was I dumbfounded and rendered wordless,
He did nothing for myself and two of my kids who were being seen.
We were doing a follow up appointment for accident related injuries.
Were just not recovering like I had hoped.
I waited ALL DAY to see this doc.
I first stepped in at about 11:30.
I left at about 6:30
I just needed referrals to seek out some non invasive treatments.
After waiting hours to be seen,
We were given a room to wait in.
Unbenknown to me, he was watching us from the nurses station.
We waited at least an hour in that room.
He was watching to see if we were really hurt,
He entered the room with a prognosis.
We were not hurt. We needed no help.
He acknowledged no accident.
He doesn't know how fast we were going or that air bags deployed.
He never asked when the accident happened.
regarding Silas' neck pain, he suggested I
"wait a few days" as if it hadn't already been nearly a month.
The questions he did ask were few and impatiently,
would be interrupt and refuted.
His condescending nature left me incoherent.
And now, thinking over it,
I have given him my precious sleep too.
3:08 AM.
I have resolved to devise a plan.
I am going to write down these scenarios.
I am going also write down acceptable and lady-like responses.
I need to weed out the ones that are not worth my time and focus on the ones that need recognition.
This is not worth my sleep.
I am not awake because these things happen.
I am awake because these things happen, and I don't respond.
I wish I had done things differently, and I play all the appropriate scenarios in my head,
thus, running mind mind, losing my sleep.
While typing this all out is very therapeutic for me,
I would also love to hear any advice out there.
This medical fiasco is not yet over.
Lucky for me, Daddy is bigger and Badder and is going to take care of this the proper way.
I'm thinking that next time I see that doctor,
He might have a box of chocolates and roses waiting for me.
Daddies are a good thing.
Oh- please don't call with advice,
Its best to write.
I still don't know how to respond to and absorb much information.
I'll be working on that.
Also, it gets crazy around here and I rarely get to answering my phone.
Peeps are loud and full of energy around here.
Its a good thing because talking on the phone is so over rated.
I just don't usually have time for that.
I think I should have a few more.


  1. A woman came up to me in the store and proceeded to put my german choc cake mix back and lead me to the "SPICE" cake that I would like much better. What did I do? Waited til I saw her leave the store and switched. You're not alone.

  2. You are definitely not alone. These same occurrences are probably the cause of my migraines & brain lesions & weight... Instead of typing it I walk around with it inside. It's so hard to keep my composure and attitude in check but I am the same smiling statue in those situations. Thanks for making me feel as if I'm not alone!

  3. I think you are right Holly, have a few more.

  4. Hmmm, how much and what to put here? Don't worry this happens to ALL of us. And I have a few as well. (Children that is). I think that it takes more nerve to stay quiet. It means you are a more peaceful soul. It only feeds the ego to shout out everything you feel all the time, that is what those people are doing to you. Thinking of themselves. I find it helpful to be like Ghandi. And to be like a river. Let the stones drop in, smooth back over the surface. Let them do what they might, remain calm. I really do think that is valuable. Then to tending to what it does to your insides. But we all must learn to quiet the brain too right? Why do we care. Why do we let the ego get involved to what someone did to ME. They just did it, don't take it personally. I know this is impossible. And YES writing it out is good, and telling tough Daddy about it and having him cosole you. You have a beautiful family and are a wonderful mom, nothing to be ashamed of. Try to let it go. I know that quick witted response is never there when you need it, but that goes for everythhing. That goes for arguments and all the spontaneous things that happen in life. "Life is all about how you handle plan B." I think you have a fantastic handle on all of this, don't doubt yourself! Writing down all that stuff is a smart way to go. Good luck and carry on, keep up the good work. Oh and the phone is great, I'm with you on that one. Talk about technology taking us away from the moment. Take care,

  5. Don't you love unwanted advice? I used to get the "How many more are you going to HAVE?" question all the time. It is such a bizarre question when I so cherish each and every one, as you do.

    Know that the awful things people say and do are all about them and not you. they think about their temperament and capacity to love and find patience and see disgust at how they would behave in your situation- even if it looks like a judgment of you. At least that is how I make myself feel better :)

    I think you are remarkable and inspiring...and should have as many as you want!