A few months ago, we went on a field trip to a few destinations in Bandon Oregon. One of the destinations was to the lavender farm. There they had tons of wild praying mantis' and tree frogs migrate to their fields to lay eggs and inhabit their farm.
My favorite part about the farm was the Praying mantis egg sacks everywhere. I loved it so much, that I took one. Well, I would never want to encourage my kids to take something without asking, so I told them it was an accident. They didn't think much of the "mistake".
Were all excited to "hatch" our own praying mantis'.
Last night, I felt compelled to tell Silas and Lauren that it was not an accident. I told them that I really wanted to keep one because I thought it would be a cool project for school. I told him that I should have asked instead of taking it.
I understand that It was just an egg sack. That's not the big deal. The point I was trying to get was that I had made a mistake just like the ones they make several (and getting inn trouble for) multiple times a week. I had compulsively lied, and I now realize that the truth would have been so much easier. Deciding to tell the truth, and giving an example of how to set it right.
Anyway, about 3/4 of the way into my confession/apology, his lower lip puckered up to a size I haven't seen since he was a frightened baby. I looked in the rear view mirror (we were in the car) just in time to see his eyes well up. I thought "whats wrong? Its just a bug cocoon". I was shocked and wondering if I was really seeing this. Was he really fighting back tears? Then it happened again: he looked down and his lip puckered out real big. He was crying! Not bawling- crying like a big boy trying not to cry. So I asked him. "Whats wrong Silas? Why are you crying?"
" Mommy, I just love you so much that I don't want you to lie to me!"
And then the flood came.
Somebody shoot me NOW. I can't even begin to explain how much of a shmuck that made me feel. He said it over and over and over. " I just love you so much. I love you so much that I don't want you to lie to me!"
"Then he said: " The reason I am crying is because I am trying really hard not to be mad at you for lying to me."
Okay, I get it! And by the way, how did you get smart enough to put these words together in such a way that makes me want to curl up and die on the inside?
SO I eventually explained forgiveness to him and how you forgive someone, and then begin to move on ( a lesson I have yet to perfect, but have no problem teaching). He needed to figure out a way to move on and be happy.
Anyway, we were almost home, trying to wrap up the dramatic scene going on in the car, and then Silas said: " Mom, I am sorry that I lied to you!"
I thought Oh no. What did he do? Really, what kind of can of worms did I open up here?
I wasn't planning on turning the car into a 15 minute confessional.
I hesitantly inquired about his lie. His reply was short, sweet and incredibly heartfelt: "Mommy, I am so sorry for all the lies that I ever told you in this whole world (lip quiver). I'm just so sorry."
Be still my heart.
My boy is experiencing true sorrow for the wrong things he has done.
Nobody can teach that.
I truly believe that God put in me a desire to tell my son about this measly mantis sack to create this moment for Silas and I ( each of us realizing and going through a seperate learning experience,).
A lie is still a lie. No matter how small, it will affect someone. I was guilty and I got to see the immediate results of my actions.
Silas is so sweet and gentle. I truly believe he has the Spirit of God in him. Nothing else would make a person naturally respond how he did. His broken heart was taught a lesson about forgiveness.
I want to remember that moment in the car, at the dusk of another beautiful day in paradise, on the curvy road home from Grandpa's house.
My 4 year old boy-still wet from the sprinklers- cried to his Mama to just tell him the truth.
Even the small stuff matters.
A little side note. It wasn't even worth "becoming a robber" because apparently I stole the poor lady's bum egg sack. The one she used for display purposes only. The dumb thing never hatched.
P.s. Heather, I think I may have told you the same "story" I told Silas. (I honestly dont remember). If I did, please forgive me! I am sorry! I love you so much that I don't ever want to lie to you! ;) Really.