Spring up the well.

 

Tonight of all nights is the epitome of why I do what I do here in Lovin My Peeps.

Even though I don't do it very often,

To remember.

 

Some things are just worth charting down.....

 

 

to give you a fore ward,

I''ll let you know what's been on and off of Claire's mind lately....

 

Death.

 

She has been making random comments lately like

 

"Mommy I love you so much! Your the best mommy ever! Please don't die!"

 

''Would you be sad if I died?''

 

"Are you going to die soon?''

 

All to which I have answered plainly and truthfully

 

"No Mommy probably wont die for a long time but only God knows.

Of course I would be sad if you died!"

 

Sometimes it has been a bit all consuming and heavy for a four year old.

 

 And I distract her into a generally lighter topic.

 

The beauty of being 4 is that distraction comes really easy and doesn't take much thought on my part.

 

I am not anxious or uneasy by these conversations ,

Nor am I surprised by the intelligence and complexity of her question.

 

She has always been sharp-witted,

And around our house, death is matter of factly spoken about.

Not often, but not discouraged.

 

We have had and lost many animals,

 

We have gone as a family to provide comfort to grieving friends with a lost love.

 

 Basically pointedly incorporated little droplets of this reality into some of our exposures.

 

Because Jake and I wholeheartedly embrace that death affects us all repeatedly

throughout life

Until ultimately the passing of ourselves.

 

It's not a subject to be ignored.

 

It is the topic that springs our faith into salvation as we know it.

 

And so respectfully observe from time to time, all that is born, grows, evolves, cycles, then passes.

Leaves, seasons, animals, and so on

Including us. 

 

All that to say that I had a most insightful and intellectual conversation with my

4 year old darling little Peep.

While mopping the kitchen floor,

I tell her

"Take the ball out, and I then we'll play with it together when I'm done."

 

Claire comes up with her usual style:

 

"Mommy I love you so much! Please don't die!'

 

Realizing that right now,

she loves me so much because I am going to be playing ball with her soon and that's just giddy,

I say my usual rhetoric

" Mommy is young and I probably wont die soon."

 

And in my head thinking 'go out child!'

 

"Only God knows Mommy right?"

 

"Yes. Only God knows."

 

So she decides to keep this ball rolling:

"When you die, can you please pray to God?'

 

"Honey I can't pray to God when I Die! I pray to him while I'm alive, then I won't have to pray to him, because I'll be with Jesus! That's why I pray to God now, because I want to be Jesus when I don't live here anymore."

 

still mopping, but wondering where this is going and why.

 

"Then when you die, you get to go to Jesus so you don't have to die forever?"

 

" That's right! He died for me and now I don't have to! You're so smart!"

 

And she is,

 Because I have never given her those lines she just spoke.

Never in that order.

 

"How do you pray to God so you can be with Him Mom?"

She utters and my heart stops,

 

Because one thing I am passionate about,

Is not drilling her with words of conviction.

 

And I have been waiting for the next of my three kids to bring on this subject.

 

SO I thoughtfully scrub the floor and wait a moment

Pondering and ordering my words.

 

And the most curious thing happens:

She waits for an answer.

 

I know the answer, but its a bit unrehearsed and jumbled

 Due to the enormous spotlight I've been thrust under.

 

"Well, you believe in God,

Believe in His son,

Believe He died and died for you,

And you tell Him!"

 

" Do we believe in Jesus Mommy?"

I can tell she means believe like other people believe in Easter Bunnies and Santa Claus

 

"Well, I do"

 I say, casually and frankly, now looking at her.

 

"I do too because I LOVE Jesus!"

Then promptly says

"So what words do we say?"

 

Then again thinking up quick and understandable words

for a very comprehensive four year old,

 

Something very abrupt and typical happened.

 

She bellowed in the loudest groan ever:

 

" Silas, put that ball down!

Mom and Me aw goinna play when she's done moppin!

I Nevew said you could touch it."

 

and I swear she said it like a police officer performing an arrest.

The most demanding and pistol spitting attitude 

That is the usual Claire. 

 

And she was gone..

And despite my desire to sit her down and talk more about it,

I decided to wait.

 

And I was left to finish the 'floow moppin'

And settle in all the wonder that just happened.

 

Because I want this for her,

But I want it for her own,

Not mine.

And I believe in timing that is not my own.

 

Then I mop and marvel at how simple this process is for me,

Because of how complicated HE made it for himself.

 

"Believe On the Lord Jesus Christ and ye will be saved"

 

Not a mystery

 

Simple.

Belief.

It's all she HAS to know right now.

 

It spreads into the wonderful world of knowing and loving,

But ultimately begins with belief.

 

And though we as parents purpose to guide and teach,

Most assuredly continuing this conversation,

 

 the heart of the matter is that the rest is between

 

God her Maker,

 and herself.

This Monday made me wish terribly that money were more obsolete than it already is,

Or that I could buy a 2$ POWERBALL ticket and cash it in for the 40 million

It's just so nice having Daddy home.

insurmountable amounts of mess from a ridiculously large breakfast.

That was the game

And we played it well.

Who ever thought that a date night would be thrown into the mix?

No babes in tow?

Actually getting the choice to sit at the bar?

 

It was pretty unnerving to get into the car,

and just get in.

One seat belt to buckle,

No reason to look behind me.

It was spooky.

Left a hole.

Car was ginornmous all of the sudden.

Felt like maybe I had forgotten put put on under wear or something.

I'm telling ya, there's no getting used to it.

 Either scenario.

 

 

The greatest gift of love was that the babysitter ASKED to take my brood.

Really!  Asked!

 

We took a mini stroll to a beachfront point

It was absolutely breathtaking being able to look at the small

things that usually get hazed over in the bustle of herding small ones to safety.



We arrived back to the house,

Claire greeted us at the door.

If you haven't heard from Claire lately,

just picture the sweet voice of a three year old

With half a breath of helium in her belly.

She has such a girly munchkin voice.

 

Its impressive how she can stop anyone in the store by just saying a word.

She talks with her hands and smiles with her eyes.

She had quite the adventure to tells us,

But first things first:

 

" MOM! Titus was screaming for you the WHOLE time!"

 

 

here it is!

Since February, I have kept a dirty little secret from blogosphere.

Well, Its not dirty,

and not really little,

and unless you know me solely by blog, not really secret-ish

I do like a snappy beat. And a little bit of dramatic effect.

I have been doing some scheming and wondering out how

I would announce this grand adventure

on print.

Then I gave up, because life happened, I got sick every morning for about a month and a half,

And lost all the nerve to do anything.

Especially blog.

Especially blog about THAT.

It was sucking the zip out of every day.

Life was so very grey and selfish - I must hate to admit.

My steps were unsprung.

I do hate to complain on my posts because I am all about memories.

Particularly the good ones.

But life is just life sometimes.

The good, the messy, stinky, unkempt, and downright vomity (quite literally- but I don't want to talk about it).

But then I felt it move.........................

laying in bed I felt a jump. Like swift poke in the gut.
But being out of town for the week, there was narry a thought to do much about it.

I just did a little happy dance, and fell asleep happy

Fast forward 5 days to tonight.

Here's me:

laying in bed watching 'Kate plus Ei8ht' on laptop next to snoring husband.

Yes, I am still a Kate follower.

Its a little embarrassing.

Like saying you still like N'sync or Backstreet boys.

whilst on my left side, I felt a jolt come from my right side.

It moved inside me again!

This time of all times, for sure, it wasn't dinner talking back.

I am overwhelmed with the idea of loving a new life.

My heart just grew a fourth time.

And I finally feel well enough to excitedly proclaim:

October will be a magical month.

My list of Top's

I wish you could smell my house right now.

There's just nothing like balsamic, shallots, garlic and butter

simmering up some mushroom perfection.

A treat for the senses.

#1 preference for cooking mushrooms

If you're not hungry when you get here,

You will be before you leave...

#1 best meal of the week:

wild elk steaks (a great birthday gift from a friend)

mashed potatoes

mushrooms

Balsamic sauce on top

I absolutely love cooking in my own kitchen.

I'd say its my all time number #2

(next to child rearin' and time spent with Daddy)

Its my space.

Its cute

And small,

and mine.
The lighting is perfect around dinner time too.

Right now, spring is happening in every window ledge.

Basil is my absolute favorite of the herbs.
Its versatile,

heartily flavored,

And an outright challenge for me to grow.

Every year I try,

Most years unsuccessful.

I love a good challenge.

Basil is it.

#1 Soldier cherry tomato:

You have to be tough to survive the Peeps.
I love to garden.
You wouldn't know it by looking at my yard.
But I do.

My anxiety is quickly building as these peas grow at stellar speed,
And I still don't have a transplant place prepared outside!


Another on my list of top fave's:
long, twisty, fuzzy, curly, sun bleached hair
Its the best.
No matter how long it takes to brush.
No matter how much she whine's while I brush.


one of the greatest things to photograph:

Brown speckled farm raised eggs.

They make me so happy.

Locally grown from happy chickens

(another great birthday gift).

I'm tellin' ya.

I was made to be in the kitchen.

Barefoot, apron, pregnant, whatever.

Just give me a kitchen

With a sunny window.

Peeps gather to crack eggs,

stir,

dump flour,

And brown meat.

I want them to love being in there as much as I do.

Even if its just to wash pretty dishes

(they love to splash).

This afternoon is a perfect setting:

cooking, smelling, watching peeps.

Opening windows to listen to rain,

taking pictures,

re-arranging,

walking around chairs where Peeps once

Stood to see what was going on in that particular hot spot.

I am proud as a mama hen

Scratching around and counting her newly hatched chicks.

This is the day.

Shoot.

Claire just threw up.

Renegade Mama.

That's me.

A rebel without a cause.

Quickly becoming the person that as a kid, I was advised to stay away from.

Okay its not really that bad.

Or is it?

Am I just getting used to it?

Okay I'm sitting here preparing everything for our camping trip this weekend.

From scratch.

Potato salad,

gram crackers,

granola bars,

spaghetti -sauce and noodles,

prepping meat and veggies for shish kabobs.

Because I am obsessed like that.

Because if by chance we should get bored, there's always great food to eat.

Because great camping memories are in the food too.

I decided that it was also a good time to listen to Pandora,

And scheme up a clever new post.

Let's see how that works out.

I never published certain details of my accident back in February

Certain details like:

My licence being suspended at the time of the accident.

I didn't know it.

The cop that took the accident report didn't even figure it out until after we were dismissed.

Boy did he track us down though.

he graciously quoted me a ''ball park" ticket amount of 900$

In one of my all time favorite movies,

The main character gets pulled over by a police man

Who writes him a ticket for speeding.

As the cop is handing the man his ticket, he comically asks the cop to "put it on my tab."

I have always wanted to say something like that.

I missed my chance.

It would have been great.

I won the government lottery.

I was chosen to prove to the overly-qualified people at the DMV that I had insurance.

When I did not receive the letter they sent, I did not reply to the letter they sent.

When I did not reply to the letter they sent, they suspended my licence.

Apparently there was a letter for that one too.

Fast forward to three months later (yesterday)

I'm sitting in court

(instead of sitting at the river with Monica, Eian, and Peeps).

Thinking the judge might have mercy on me and my otherwise impeccable driving record.

She looked like a nice lady, like a mom maybe.

She did not waste any mothering skills on me.

Pay baby pay.

I was dismissed with the fine lowered,

then raised again due to payment plans.

But wait...

Just one more thing:

My licence is suspended AGAIN!!

How often can you say you've won the lottery twice in one year?

Well you just might have won the Oregon lottery, but don't know it yet!

You may get notified, but not as soon as you'd expect!

Back to the DMV.

I personally like to figure out which of the two workers will call my number.

If your extra lucky, Like I am,

You'll get the cat man with the penny colored hair.

(I've seen him at the store buying very expensive cat food).

Seriously, he should have his picture taken for the next one Cent coin.

This weekend, I am at the mercy of my dear sweet husband to taxi me.

Because they're on holiday Friday

So I'll be legal to drive again on Monday

I wish my story were cooler about how my clean record got flushed in a matter of a couple months.

But that's just

all there is to it.

Because I thought you might want to know.

Being an easy target.

That's me.

I don't know why.

At restaurants , in the store,

While I am running with the kids,

Everywhere.

Stuff just happens.

Please don't take me wrong.

I don't embrace the victims mentality.

Maybe If I did though, this stuff wouldn't broadside me like a deer in headlights.

I am also very good at becoming tongue tied when faced with confrontation.

Check it:

I am at the grocery store,

Unbeknown to me, Lauren wanders to put her basket away.

Silas, being the big brother calls for her very loudly to re-join the party.

In doing so, He gets brutally shushed by a very old and cranky lady.

While the lady still has his attention, she shakes her head in disapproval.

This lady had the most disgusted look on her face.

She was horrified, and Silas knew it.

She paid no mind that he was tending to his sister who flutters like a butterfly and tends to get lost.

Silas was nearly brought to tears.

I never said anything.

Again, at the grocery store,

The kids and I are happily eating our lunch.

Meanwhile, there is a middle aged man sitting at the table next to us staring.

S-T-A-R-I-N-G

I figured he was wondering how his wife was able to do the same thing all those years ago,

Or something great like that.

When Claire decided she didn't want the beans from my burrito

and proceeded to spit them onto the floor,

He laughed and eye to eye, in a very sarcastic tone told me,

"Why don't you have a few more?"

He was referencing the number of children I have, as if I were crazy.

I am the first one to admit to the craziness that happens around here,

But don't take kindly to jesting at their expense.

Speechless, I just smiled and nodded.

Seriously? Did I just agree with the man?????

I have been approached multiple times by local people.

The kind that "choose to live outside" (as put by Uncle Cody)

Brookings has a high percentage of people who hold a sign for a living.

I think I have met them all.

twice was to gawk over my baby boy Silas buddy.

You see, he was ever-so-cute as a baby.

Mercy.

So edible.

Anyway, as I am making my hasty departure from these people (two separate occasions),

Yet there was no exit.

Once was at the dollar store and the man was openly vocal in complimenting me on my

"Mardigras beads"

Nearly touching them and following me for at least a whole isle.

The other one-extremely intoxicated man, leans one hand on the corner of my cart,

The one my baby boy is sitting in,

and happily walks with us telling Silas:

"I love you! Oh, I love you too!"

over and over and...........

It was ever so awkward.

I can tell you that my eight month old started that one.

He's a friendly little bugger and welcomes any smiling face.

I never said a word, or set any sort of spacial boundaries.

See, I am not a victim.

I don't plan these things.

Maybe if I did, I could better respond,

But I just don't see it coming,

And am never prepared.

My family teases me because I can be ever-so- sweet, and still make a waitress furious.

No exaggeration here. People who have witnesses this don't understand it either.

Because of this special quality,

I purpose to be extra sweet in my dining out requests, but am usually fruitless.

They still end up exasperated because of me.

Once I was leaving a coffee shop as someone was entering.

He politely said "excuse me".

I politely acknowledged by saying "You're fine",

Irritatedly, he replied "Thanks for that. I was wondering"

That one stumped me.

I was trying to be friendly.

He twisted my words to make it sound like I was affirming his sanity.

It is currently 2:41.

I am awake.

I wish I were not.

I understand this is very random.

this is what keeps me awake at such a time when sleep is so coveted.

I was greeted yesterday by a doctor who chose to treat me in the manner as spoken above.

Not only was I dumbfounded and rendered wordless,

He did nothing for myself and two of my kids who were being seen.

We were doing a follow up appointment for accident related injuries.

Were just not recovering like I had hoped.

I waited ALL DAY to see this doc.

I first stepped in at about 11:30.

I left at about 6:30

I just needed referrals to seek out some non invasive treatments.

After waiting hours to be seen,

We were given a room to wait in.

Unbenknown to me, he was watching us from the nurses station.

We waited at least an hour in that room.

He was watching to see if we were really hurt,

He entered the room with a prognosis.

We were not hurt. We needed no help.

He acknowledged no accident.

He doesn't know how fast we were going or that air bags deployed.

He never asked when the accident happened.

regarding Silas' neck pain, he suggested I

"wait a few days" as if it hadn't already been nearly a month.

The questions he did ask were few and impatiently,

would be interrupt and refuted.

His condescending nature left me incoherent.

And now, thinking over it,

I have given him my precious sleep too.

3:08 AM.

I have resolved to devise a plan.

I am going to write down these scenarios.

I am going also write down acceptable and lady-like responses.

I need to weed out the ones that are not worth my time and focus on the ones that need recognition.

This is not worth my sleep.

I am not awake because these things happen.

I am awake because these things happen, and I don't respond.

I wish I had done things differently, and I play all the appropriate scenarios in my head,

thus, running mind mind, losing my sleep.

While typing this all out is very therapeutic for me,

I would also love to hear any advice out there.

This medical fiasco is not yet over.

Lucky for me, Daddy is bigger and Badder and is going to take care of this the proper way.

I'm thinking that next time I see that doctor,

He might have a box of chocolates and roses waiting for me.

Daddies are a good thing.

Oh- please don't call with advice,

Its best to write.

I still don't know how to respond to and absorb much information.

I'll be working on that.

Also, it gets crazy around here and I rarely get to answering my phone.

Peeps are loud and full of energy around here.

Its a good thing because talking on the phone is so over rated.

I just don't usually have time for that.

I think I should have a few more.

Best Valentines Day Ever.

Yesterday was the best Valentines Day ever.

Period.

NO question about it.

It is an unusual statement to make considering the circumstances.

The kids and I were on our way home from a get V-day get together with friends,

On the highway when someone made one careless move and pulled out in front of me.

(The opposing car)

It happened so fast,

My efforts to dodge the blow were unsuccessful and her car went spinning.

The air bag deployed in my face,

knocking off my glasses.

Panic stricken, I scanned the back seats.

I wasn't able to see much, but what I heard was terrifying.

Claire screaming uncontrollably. and two very quiet children.

Abruptly Silas reports: "I'm okay Mom!"

And things went moving again from there.

I'm stopped in the turn turn lane, separating the two direction HWY.

First things first, find glasses.

After frantically looking, no luck.

I turned toward oncoming traffic.

As I waved one hand for someone to stop, the other one was motioning

that I needed a phone.

I couldn't find mine without glasses to see with.

People slowly drove past me.

One guy even waved as he drove by.

I felt so helpless.

I can't see. Nobody is stopping.

It never occurred to me how unsafe it would be if they stopped on the HWY.

The first 40 seconds were the worst.

Enough of the trauma.

I am here to report the wonder of it all.

While it felt like forever to be flagging cars down in vain, It really was only a few short seconds.

I returned to my car, finally found my glasses,

and a lady across the street yells out "I've called! The ambulance is on their way!"

This next part is incredible.

I am completely incapable of explaining it in all its glory.

Out of nowhere, Carl shows up.

From across the two lanes he yelled " what can I do?"

I open my mouth to scream "call Jake" but my eye was caught by someone else moving toward me on the road.

The relief of seeing my husband was better than anything else that day.

He happened upon is.

Nobody called him.

We would have passed each other on the road had I not been stopped.

I start carting kids across the highway to Carl,

Claire,

Then Lauren and Silas with Jake's help.

Before we were Finished unloading kids,

Jayme shows up.

He starts picking up huge pieces of car rubble from the highway.

All of them pieces from the other car.

He said he saw the whole thing.

The story continues in the same manner.

Kim drove by and gave me her coat.

Jody stopped by and left food,

And a hug that was like it was from my own mother.

Martha from Feather Your Nest stopped to lend a hand.

Grandpa finally came and got the Peeps.

People we know well, and people we barely knew flooded in to offer help,

long after we were all off the road safely,

Tiffany shows up with aspirin. Thank GOD!

No really!

The events that followed were extremely comforting.

Texts and phone calls, e-mails,

Visits.

Even though we were all fine.

People still bombarded us with offers and encouragement.

When our car finally stopped,

And I looked towards the back seats in horror,

I froze.

Silas' words "I'm okay Mom!"

smacked me back to real life.

I am a little startled at how my 5 yr old became a man for just that second.

He read my face like he has a thousand times and gave me what I needed to get with it,

And start moving.

Such a noble boy!

Tonight, I feel so content.

As I type, I have the four most wonderful things that have ever happened my way.

All nestled into bed.

My monkey broken nosed snorer,

A little toddler with knees all tucked in and booty in the air.

And little dainty princess who could feel a pea (or shirt tag) through a thousand mattresses.

A man who loves and supports me.

Who tells me to sit with him instead of finish the dishes.

I why don't I ever?

Who loves me in spite of my factory defects that will probably never be fixed.

Nearly ten years of unity that has not shaken despite some rough circumstances.

We will not be replacing our car.

It is not worth what we owe.

Normally, I wold not have shared such personal text.

I say shame on me for having such greed!

4 years ago, I was pregnant with my second baby,

And there was no Way I was going to be a family of four

With a car that only seats five!

I now wish that I could have back all those hours he spent working that were wasted on a pretty car.

I am open to sharing because the regret is so real.

Its agonizing.

I never want to push again, but I know I will.

Maybe now that its out there,

You might not push.

You might help remind me to not push.

Wouldn't that be swell?

The hype of Valentines Day was supposed to be about my ingenious efforts and planning.

Those candy canes were bargained for since the week after Christmas.

They were half off (get this) at the Dollar Store.

What a hit they would be in a couple months for our V-day!

As cute as they turned out (I must say) and as fun as they might have been,

Concluding Valentines with a simple craft project would have been

Just so vanilla.

I need the stretch and reminder that of whats what, and to waste not.

My time, efforts, and even a reminder of my simple mortality,

all Just got a huge check of reality.

I have not been this emotional since I had a my last kid.

This grateful heart is unbearable and erratically painful.

Simple folks.

Do yourself a favor.

Watch your kids sleep tonight.

Pray for the first time, or for the first time in a long time.

Thank God for what you have and what you don't.

Love the one you have-Even when its hard.

Because things just could have turned worse.

Because it's worth it.

Simple.

Disclamer: This post was pblished at 12:05 in the A.M. That absolves me of all miss spelled words, and useless rambling.

Monday, Monday,

Monday definitely felt like,

well, a Monday.

It was hectic enough to make me sit down

And write a schedule for Tuesday.

I wrote in 15 min increments.

Yes, Monday was that crazy.

After getting dressed, making breakfast and doing chores,

we we ended up with this.

A nearly naked three year old,

stripped her sisters clothes too,

And decided a dress up was in order.

I decided it was a good day to go grocery shopping.

It just happened to be the rainiest day of the century.

A while back,

Alicia gave me a whole slew of jewelry.

Thanks to her,

Some of my days are bedazzled.

After all the kids were loaded in the rain, I thought:

Why not wear something pretty?

Friends are like bra's, close to your heart, and give you support.
I miss her every time I wear the jewelry.

She totally would have saved this day for me.
Not that I needed saving.

Don't get me wrong.

These kids are the reason that I thrive.

Some days were just meant to be shared with friends with willing hands.

This would have been one.

Also to be logged into our family's history,

I wrapped a present with nothing but a

Paper grocery bag,

Glue stick,

And yarn.

Those are some serious survival skills.

My ribbon station, completely cleaned out,

And tape dispensers that disappear like socks in the laundry.

They all create ingenuity to be topped only by a more desperate mom,

With even more kids.


I found this at nap time.

Snippets of golden locks, hidden in vintage pot.
This was no cooking fiasco.

Its a mastermind incognito in the making.

What purpose do I have to check her pots?

I didn't notice the crayon on the windowsill until I took the picture.


These times are the ones that make and brake you all at the same time.

They brake down my controlling attitude that can be a nightmare to keep company with.

It reminds me to not be so rigidly correcting with our time.

To accept alternate solutions for 'problems'.

To compromise with the strict sometimes stiffling things that I call discipline,

and allow character to build.

To relax a little, and push school back a couple of minutes or hours.

To sometimes take a day off of school,

To remember and discover again how unique and intelligent they are,

On their own, without me,

After all, they were hard wired to enjoy knowing things,

And figuring out how to know things.

To watch the talent of my children,

At work constructing, creating,

Learning to tie a shoe all by herself (true story).

Listening to them cook up their schemes.

I am so relieved that even though the chaos seemed a little consuming

and overwhelming at times,

I was still able to mark a lot of really good moments.

1. Lunch under a blanket fort.

Spills and all.

Thankful for the unfinished and forgiving floors to soak up the puddles.

No sense of urgency to clean them up.

2. To be able to log all of My man child's fabulous quotes:

During a perfect wrestling pin:

" Lauren, your smooshing my guys!"

"Mom is this the first world?"

Because Dad explained to him

that God is going to make us a new world someday.

" I think we should give Jesus the gifts. Its His birthday!"

I know this is not an original thought.

Many people have steered this way in terms if holiday cheer.

But for him to bring it up on his own terms?

That's some serious soul food.

Claire screamed "No!" for the first time this Monday.

She was seriously offended and you'd better know it.

At a year and a couple months,

She had never even spoken the dreaded toddler word,

Let alone scream it appropriately at a sibling!

She has yet to say it again.

And I must say that I am glad to say that she has returned to her old self again.

Monday was also the start of our next big reading adventure.

James and The Giant Peach.

Man Cub digs this book to pieces.

Since the start of this book, we have been reading a couple times a day together.

This is exctiting, because it is all on Silas' initiative.

He loves the book that much.

In case you didn't know,

That is a little out of charcter for him.

Being a boy genius and all,

He tends to be lazy, completing the bare minimum of tasks effortlessly,

And returning to his crime stopping fantasies.

I have found a story that he is passionate about and that thrills me.

I remember reading and loving this book as a kid.

This is a great reading choice,

despite the fact that I have creatively exhausted my censoring abilities.

In just 40 short pages,

I have mastered the art of reading ahead and changing naughty words.

Who puts words like

A-S-S in a fourth grade book?

The sweetest thing ever:

Every time we sit down to read, Lauren asks to start the whole book over.

Poor thing forgets almost everything we've read.

Responsively, I find this endearing, not concerning,

And I am okay with the fact that we will someday re-read the classic fiction.

Well, I am sorry to bore to the point of tears,

Thanks to the few who follow,

And the fewer who actually read,

And the fewest who actually comment.

Your devotion is flattering.

I like to imagine that there are like 40 or 400 of you ,

Waiting on pins and needles for my next excerpt.

One sunny Mamma signing off.

Pickin bones with Barbie

Yes I have many things better to do than this.

It will just be there a while longer than I would like.

For now,
I'm wishing on an Oreo that the mess disappears.

The diaper changes itself,

and that dinner were in the crock pot by now.

This is temporarily more important to me,

A thought I had.

And a decision I've made

Not necessarily yours and I understand that:

I think Barbie is a Jezebel.

I had a different word for it

but since I only use the word by accident

and only in my head,

I thought not to post it

After all, I am a lady.

I just can't stand that her disproportionate body is always half dressed

when she's done being dressed.

I saw a holiday Barbie at our grocery store
That had a racy black gown with see-through lace
down the center.
You could see through the lace all the way to her belly button.

Seriously.
I bet they can't figure out why it has been on clearance
Since last Christmas.

Time to send her back folks.
I read a discussion titled "how young should girls be to have Barbie...If at all?"
Or something like that.

I paraphrased a little

Okay a lot but you get it.

It said that in times past,

The toy makers successfully targeted 8-14 year old girls.

Now, they're targeting the same ages

But the captive age range is

3-9 years old.

I just can't stomach that for my 3 year old.

Maybe people are so accepting because of the name.

She's been around and adored for decades.

'It just a Barbie'

She can do nothing wrong enough for us to reject her.

She's an American icon.

Even this one.

I may sound nit picky

but hear me out.

Lauren would love this doll to bits.

If given to her,

she probably wouldn't put it down for days.

I just have a problem when the clothes come off.

She's dressing and undressing

an overly figured 25 year old body.

Before kids...........

Does that sound weird when you read it?

Because it sure feels weird typing it.

But can you refute it?

I am not wishing for a chubby Barbie.

Just a less exploited body figure.

that does not dress like a street walker.

I think I'll pass.
And preserve this image:

I have thought this for a while now

and decided not to share with family or friends,

For lack of confidence in my presentation,

I tend to fumble my words

And retract what I'm saying if I

sense any awkwardness or disapproval.

I have often feared that people would assume that we get these ideas

from a staunch and critical view point that does not allow for fun or creativity.

It just stems from thoughts of preserving a wholesome body image

for my girls

For as long as possible.

Because I know someday,

They will learn about the slop this world heaps on people,

And wish they could go back

I am not naive enough to think they Will never touch or play with one.
I just want to support a more modest

and hopefully enriching choice for toys in our home.

Something to learn from like a Baby doll,

Lincoln logs,

scooters, Lego's (pink of course!)

I wanted to tell family especially about Barbie

(You know those of you who can't pass up a cute girly thing to save their life?

You know who you are.)

Because I know holiday Shopping is coming up.

and you'll be out.

On the beat.

Scouring the black Friday deals.

Hopefully this year I'll be there with you.

And then we wont ever have this conversation in person

In front of a super cute Barbie

that makes me want to crack.

And forget what's underneath her clothes.

If I were a stronger or more driven person,

I would ban anything with the Barbie logo

Until Mattel agrees to take every degrading doll off the shelves.

But the truth is,

I am not looking to change the world.

I don't have time for that.

I don't care about Barbie.

Its not worth the effort to me.

I am loving my kids.

Desiring better for their sakes.

That's it.

I chose to 'come out' about my Barbie soap issues

on the Internet because

I am much better at declaring something on a blogging mountain top

Than in real, live, eye contact, sit down conversations.

Oh since I am cleaning out the closet

We also don't 'do'

*The Easter Bunny or egg hunts.

(in favor of our Lord's risen)
Instead we:

Eat lamb

Have a movie day

Maybe a church service

and Naps

Perfection.

* Santa

This one is Jake's preference.

But I am so glad I didn't fight it

(too much ;)

Now I can't imagine giving such an important day over

To an imaginary man that smells like a cookie

Sorry if my kids ruin it for yours.

Instead we

Have a birthday cake for Jesus

Buy our tree from local lots

light shows

Bible activities

*Halloween

Instead we:

Buy super cheap costumes and candy

The day after Halloween.

The kids still love to get candy in the mail

and I love that it still gets sent.

They just have no idea why it came.

But who needs an explanation for free candy?

They know they're loved.

Whew!

I am actually second day into this post

And yes my house did get put in order.

At one point.

The Oreo did no good for me.

But...

I am glad to have posted this

clear my head on the issue.

Though I think most of my family has heard these things

through the grapevine.

It's good to be the one saying it.

It's official.

In written form.

Why we do what we do.

This post is my weekend baby

And I am proud of it.

What are your thoughts??

What do you celebrate?

Any creative ideas for me?

The last 2 questions are for the 3 out of 11 followers that I am not related to.

the other 8 can just disregard.

And know that I love you anyway.

;)

Happy Weekend!

A lesson in honesty

I am a bit embarrassed to be posting this, because it shows a weakness that I let come over me. You may be surprised to find out that the lesson in honesty was learned by me. My lesson was a heart-wrenching experience that I am sure will be the first of many times of having to apologize to my children, and ask their forgiveness. This was especially hard for Silas.




A few months ago, we went on a field trip to a few destinations in Bandon Oregon. One of the destinations was to the lavender farm. There they had tons of wild praying mantis' and tree frogs migrate to their fields to lay eggs and inhabit their farm.


My favorite part about the farm was the Praying mantis egg sacks everywhere. I loved it so much, that I took one. Well, I would never want to encourage my kids to take something without asking, so I told them it was an accident. They didn't think much of the "mistake".

Were all excited to "hatch" our own praying mantis'.

Last night, I felt compelled to tell Silas and Lauren that it was not an accident. I told them that I really wanted to keep one because I thought it would be a cool project for school. I told him that I should have asked instead of taking it.






I understand that It was just an egg sack. That's not the big deal. The point I was trying to get was that I had made a mistake just like the ones they make several (and getting inn trouble for) multiple times a week. I had compulsively lied, and I now realize that the truth would have been so much easier. Deciding to tell the truth, and giving an example of how to set it right.






Anyway, about 3/4 of the way into my confession/apology, his lower lip puckered up to a size I haven't seen since he was a frightened baby. I looked in the rear view mirror (we were in the car) just in time to see his eyes well up. I thought "whats wrong? Its just a bug cocoon". I was shocked and wondering if I was really seeing this. Was he really fighting back tears? Then it happened again: he looked down and his lip puckered out real big. He was crying! Not bawling- crying like a big boy trying not to cry. So I asked him. "Whats wrong Silas? Why are you crying?"

" Mommy, I just love you so much that I don't want you to lie to me!"

And then the flood came.

Somebody shoot me NOW. I can't even begin to explain how much of a shmuck that made me feel. He said it over and over and over. " I just love you so much. I love you so much that I don't want you to lie to me!"


"Then he said: " The reason I am crying is because I am trying really hard not to be mad at you for lying to me."


Okay, I get it! And by the way, how did you get smart enough to put these words together in such a way that makes me want to curl up and die on the inside?



SO I eventually explained forgiveness to him and how you forgive someone, and then begin to move on ( a lesson I have yet to perfect, but have no problem teaching). He needed to figure out a way to move on and be happy.

Anyway, we were almost home, trying to wrap up the dramatic scene going on in the car, and then Silas said: " Mom, I am sorry that I lied to you!"

I thought Oh no. What did he do? Really, what kind of can of worms did I open up here?

I wasn't planning on turning the car into a 15 minute confessional.

I hesitantly inquired about his lie. His reply was short, sweet and incredibly heartfelt: "Mommy, I am so sorry for all the lies that I ever told you in this whole world (lip quiver). I'm just so sorry."

Be still my heart.

My boy is experiencing true sorrow for the wrong things he has done.

Nobody can teach that.

I truly believe that God put in me a desire to tell my son about this measly mantis sack to create this moment for Silas and I ( each of us realizing and going through a seperate learning experience,).

A lie is still a lie. No matter how small, it will affect someone. I was guilty and I got to see the immediate results of my actions.

Silas is so sweet and gentle. I truly believe he has the Spirit of God in him. Nothing else would make a person naturally respond how he did. His broken heart was taught a lesson about forgiveness.

I want to remember that moment in the car, at the dusk of another beautiful day in paradise, on the curvy road home from Grandpa's house.

My 4 year old boy-still wet from the sprinklers- cried to his Mama to just tell him the truth.

Even the small stuff matters.

A little side note. It wasn't even worth "becoming a robber" because apparently I stole the poor lady's bum egg sack. The one she used for display purposes only. The dumb thing never hatched.





P.s. Heather, I think I may have told you the same "story" I told Silas. (I honestly dont remember). If I did, please forgive me! I am sorry! I love you so much that I don't ever want to lie to you! ;) Really.